highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
