Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
