Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
