I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
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