She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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