it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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