I love black thongs
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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