There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
