my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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