Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
