I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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