I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
