call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
