We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
