see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
