umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
