covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
