If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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