I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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