she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
