I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
