so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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