I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
