You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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