I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
