I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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