checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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