are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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