If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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