he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
