You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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