Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
