why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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