The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
