Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
