Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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