hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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