u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
