Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
