do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
