There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
