I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
