you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
