My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
