dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
