I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
