I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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