Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
