saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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