Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
