So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
