i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
